Almost nobody wants to watch Playmobil The Movie while Frozen II passes Joker Domestically

Look way, wayyyy down at the bottom to see the horrific box office sales for Playmobil: The Movie

Underwhelming is one thing, terrible is another.

Say all you want about underwhelming movies like Gemini Man ⭐️⭐️ Terminator: Dark Fate ⭐️⭐️½ Charlie’s Angels ⭐️½ — all are amazing cinematic gold compared to the infernal plastic hell of watching Playmobil: The Movie ½

When a movie is attached to headlines like “one of the worst movies in cinematic history” you know it’s historically bad.

Only “The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure,” “Delgo” and a 10-year re-release of “Saw” had worse opening weekends.

‘Playmobil’ movie bombs at box office, hauls in less than $1 million

Does anybody like this movie?

Figured I’d search through nearly 700 movie blogs I’m reading at this time for reviews on Playmobil: The Movie to see if someone, any critic — certainly there must be at least one movie reviewer that liked this film, yes? — can shine some positive light on this film … the search begins:

• Ben Warner: “This film is shameless in its commercialism. Don’t waste your time watching this movie. Watch a Playmobil advert on the television. You’d gain the same amount from that.”
• From The Kidz Seat: “Playmobil wasn’t great, but it was a really fun movie. It had those classic elements of fun, action, adventure, and bravery, but it wasn’t amazing. The music was probably the thing that stood out the most, aside from the weirdness (watch the pink hay people). The songs were pretty good, but definately ‘Give the People What They Want’ was the evilest song I have ever heard… “
• Jason’s Movie Blog: “I felt that the movie was derivatively bland, hodgepodge, weak, unfunny, and just a downright bore, with little entertainment; a sort of gimmicky premise that backfires. Thus, my recommendation for the movie is a straight up “skip it” as there’s not much reason to see this movie.”
• *Movie Oasis: “It’s a movie for everybody, It’s entertaining and even though it isn’t doing so well at the BoxOffice it’s still a fun movie to see with your children Because it Contains no foul language or violence. So sit back, drop the remote(If you are seeing it at home), relax and enjoy with your kids. “
• Phil the Bear’s Film Reviews: “Playmobil is absolutely fine for children under ten but that is as far as it goes. There is not much of interest for adults watching and in general it feels like the run of the mill toy advert everyone feared The Lego Movie would be.”

Found a couple nice things said about the movie and one fan (see asterisk), making the search fruitful.

NOW PLAYING REVIEWS: Playmobil The Movie, Dark Waters, Hold On

Weekend #49 at the movies, 12/6/19, only features a single wide release and, in our opinion, it’s a major stinker. Luckily, I caught up with two other movies that are playing in the theaters and …

#1 is …

Dark Waters ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

I had the wrong idea for this movie based on the previews thinking it would be like Erin Brokovich, and it is only tangentially at best related.

A learning experience about teflon in Dark Waters, as it focuses in a David vs. Goliath legal drama

An attorney deals with the stress of representing a farmer who reports chemicals dumped into the river near his house and it’s killing his cows. Enjoyed this one, but could have done without the very cliched suspense scene where a character is about to turn the key in the ignition of a car and is worried about a car bomb. Recommended.

Playmobil: The Movie ½

Playmobil: The Movie is a mess, not recommended

This movie is the worst we’ve seen in the theaters in 2019.

Whatever it seems to try it fails to do well. The music is terrible, the voice acting is cringe-worthy in spots. The script tries to do way too much, introducing a bunch of Playmobil toy characters, but it’s not like Toy Story where we get to know a lot of different toy personalities and they participate actively in the adventure, they are mostly just there to do something supposedly cool in a scene or two and then go away.

The basic storyline is two kids trapped in a toy world, separated, and trying to get back to each other. One is a viking but being a viking doesn’t really change what he does and the other is a girl who, well, could have been a girl with super powers, but no. So instead of spending most of our time in the narration following the viking, we follow the girl and some toy named Del driving a burrito truck. Can’t make this up.

Rex Dasher is the James Bond like spy character, and he’s one of the most annoying, unlikable toy characters in animation history, complete with a cliched signature sound where he constantly boasts that he is, “Rex Dasher!” Sigh.

I won’t even get into the whole pink haystack flying stuff … just found this movie to have potential squandered. Am seeing several other reviewers saying this is a pure ripoff of The LEGO movie. Didn’t see that one myself, but surely it’s believable. Avoid this movie.

Hold On ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Worth going just to listen to this woman sing — great stuff!

A singer who can’t catch a break — where is American Idol or The Voice for this lady? Her voice is fantastic — is noticed by a record store employee who happens to be the son of a big shot music producer. A good story but an ending that I totally didn’t buy. Still, recommended.

Want to see what else we recommend NOW PLAYING at the theater?

Here are other movies we’ve seen at the theater recently (maybe they are available in your area still) that are recommended. Any movie rated at least 3-stars is recommended. You should read any 3-star review (click the title), because sometimes we do qualify those recommendations, meaning we were entertained, but it doesn’t mean that it was necessarily that good. 4-star movies are highly recommended and films we rate as 4 1/2 or 5 stars are must see.

1. Doctor Sleep ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
2. Ford v Ferrari ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ScreenX
3. The Irishman ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (Netflix)
4. Harriet ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
5. Knives Out ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
6. The Good Liar ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
7. Joker ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
8. Motherless Brooklyn ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
9. Dark Waters ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
10. Jojo Rabbit ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
11. Last Christmas ⭐️⭐️⭐️½
12. Frozen II ⭐️⭐️⭐️
13. Parasite ⭐️⭐️⭐️
14. Hold On ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Happy movie watching to you!

Opening 12-5-2019 in Theaters: Playmobil The Movie, Hold On, The Aeronauts

Just one film opening wide this weekend, yes. But there might be a hidden gem or two in the rough … read on.

Wednesday and only one movie opening wide this week? There are a bunch of limited releases, but only one wide opening movie it seems(??). Get out the cheese, here comes the whine.

What are the studios thinking? This would have been a perfect week if you’re any of the five films next week to release wide this weekend? Maybe historically, the weekend after Thanksgiving is slow (? UPDATE 12/5/19: According to this article, the weekend after Thanksgiving is one of four worst theater attendance weekends of the year). I didn’t research if that’s true, but still, it seems like if you’re better off being one of two films, than one of five choices for a weekend release. Yes, no?

The fact that Playmobil: The Movie is the only wide release will undoubtedly help that film’s numbers, if that indeed stays the course. The early Rotten Tomatoes critics, however, are unfavorable, rating it rotten (not recommended), so who knows. Here’s how the Box Office Mojo release schedule looks like for all the limited releases this weekend:

Looking at the screenshot above, Regal Cinemas in our area are showing none of the limited films listed as of this writing on 12/4. I am interested in The Aeronauts, an Amazon Original film and since the home corporate office is literally 45 minutes away, I would think that would show somewhere nearby (yes, The Varsity Theater on Friday December 6 – not sure if I can/will make it to Seattle there — insane traffic to/from that area — but … maybe).

The Aeronauts
LIMITED, Amazon Original (Available on Amazon Prime Video 12/20)

Based on a true story (“adventure”, rather). Seems like a drama around what happens if you go up too high where the air gets thin. Best to bring oxygen for up there.

Anticipation: 4/10

What is showing prominently — finally — in our area is Dark Waters, the Mark Ruffalo farmer and small lawyer vs. big, bad corporation film I’ve been wanting to check out for weeks. Yay!

Regal Cinemas in our area featuring Dark Waters, Hold On and on Sat Dec 7, Gremlins one showing

Also, a one-off return for Gremlins on Saturday at 1pm. And a starting Friday Dec 6 is Hold On. That’s not listed in the limited releases above. I had to dig around to learn more about Hold On at IMDB. Was this a last minute studio dump in? Anyway, here’s the trailer:

Hold On
LIMITED (?)

Hold On official trailer opens Friday December 6, 2019

Powerful vocals! This one could be interesting. I’m actually more interested in seeing this now that I’ve watched the trailer than Playmobil.

Anticipation: 5/10

Don’t understand the studio release schedule at all. Anybody in the comments that wants to throw me a bone on how this works, I’m all eyes and ears.

Next week, December 13, 2019 there are five movies opening wide:Uncut Gems [PREVIEW], Bombshell [PREVIEW], Jumanji: The Next Level [PREVIEW], Richard Jewell and Black Christmas. The week after that we get Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, [PREVIEW] so those films are all competing for eyeballs only to run up against a Disney behemoth a week later? Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. Not.

This week a wide opening famine, next week feast. Talk about eating leftover turkey. Bummer. I want some of next week’s movies this weekend!

Playmobil The Movie

Playmobil: The Movie Official Trailer

I know and have read pretty much zero about this film except for the trailer. The trailers is alright. Rex Dasher is sort of an animated James Bond. Is this aimed at kids, adults or both? Not something I’m sure our grandchildren would be interested in watching, so I’m voting toward older children to adults?

This doesn’t seem from the trailer to have the allure of The Simpsons or Beavis and Butthead, so not too excited.

Anticipation: 3/10

ANTICIPATION for Week of 12/5/19 MOVIES

How much on scale of 1-10 anticipating the 12-5-2019 movies?

1. Hold On – 5/10
2. The Aeronauts – 4/10
3. Dark Waters – 4/10
4. Playmobil: The Movie – 3/10

Are there screenings in our area to see the movie?

Yes, Playmobil: The Movie has many scheduled screenings available in our area, so planning to watch. Hold On has plenty of screenings starting Friday December 6, so will get that one too. Only one screening in an independent theater for The Aeronauts on 12/6, so probably won’t get to that until it hits Amazon Prime Video streaming on 12/20. And, finally, should get to screen Dark Waters too, so that review, rating and my just left the theater video will be forthcoming as well. 3 o 4 planned.

Get the butter warmed up for that popcorn!