From Hawking $15,000 Gold Vibrators to $8,600 Hiking Necklaces, Gwyneth Paltrow May Never Return To Acting

We’ve all heard of slut shaming. How about pandemic shaming? Yeah, gear up, this hiking expedition will cost you — plenty.

Most people — regular people like us and most of you, kind readers — are spending our time trying to work and survive the pandemic, hoping and praying life will return to normal. A lot of people, tragically, are out of work and doing what they can to find any sort of work to put food on the table and roof over the head.

And then there’s Hollywood. actresses like Gwyneth Paltrow, an early COVID survivor it seems, who has conquered virus recovery through a vexing series of affiliate-link driven products. No, can’t make this up.

To keep trekking, she endorses a $220 pair of hiking shoes, a $145 hiking tank top, and an $8,600 gold necklace. [Yes, you read that correctly.] Apparently, Paltrow has a thing for wearing necklaces, often several at once. “But for a hike, just this [$8,600] one is perfect,” she writes. When she’s not scaling mountains to combat her COVID fatigue, she focuses her foggy mind on making certain her skin looks good for her many Zoom meetings. She touts four products just for this part of her long-COVID regimen. They are a $500 infrared sauna blanket, a $98 oil, a $125 serum, and $125 overnight acid peel. And after all of that expensive exercising, the skin care regimen, and the video conferences, Paltrow unwinds in a $125 “Goop University” T-shirt and a $32 mocktail served in a $112 glass.

It took a year, but Gwyneth Paltrow figured out how to exploit the pandemic | Ars Technica

LOL to an $8,600 gold hiking necklace. Yeah, I think most people would rather spend those bones on a vehicle to get to and from work or food for a year, but hey, whatever. Who buys all these high end Goop products, anyway?

The $15,000 gold vibrator? Does that give some gold-plated orgasms or something? That’s from a different article, but perhaps equally hilarious. Don’t worry, Paltrow is pitching a more affordable $95 vibrator for us blue collar types.

And the Goop vibrator makes quite the pitch for battling boredom. With a massage ball on one side and a wand on the other — and eight pulsating patterns for each — that means 64 possible combinations (or a different daily sensation for two months of quarantine). At $95, it might even be called affordable, at least in comparison to the $15,000 gold dildo that Ms. Paltrow once recommended in a Goop newsletter.

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Selling Vibrators

This latter article seems hyper-focused on the shock factor of an A-list, or previously A-list actress rather, reduced to selling vibrators, but I don’t see that as the bigger story. Who cares if someone famous is selling vibrators in 2021? The bigger story is how expensive these products are she sells on Goop. Ridiculously expensive. It doesn’t cost $95 for an effective vibrator and on what planet does anybody need a hiking necklace that costs more than many used cars.

I’ve enjoyed some of Paltrow’s work as an actress, but am big time turning my nose up at her shilling activities. She clearly has a controversial personal side (see: LOL – Gwyneth Paltrow admits to having a “dirty sense of humor”) which I’ve admitted liking, but this shilling, especially using the pandemic for cover is horrifically poor-timed marketing. There is likely never a good time to hawk an $8,600 gold necklace under the guise of necessary hiking necessities but it sure staves off the possibility of returning for another MCU movie someday.

Pepper is rubbing salt in the potted, festering wounds of mankind with these obscenely expensive products. Caveat emptor.

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